Ahhh, the joys of motherhood. The absolute joys. I say the good, the bad and the beautiful because the word, "ugly" has absolutely no place in this blog or in my descriptions of motherhood. Nothing about being a mommy is ugly. Sure, there are days where I wanted to pull my hair out... and I even made up a game with my daughter where I would fly her up in the sky above my heads and tell her she was going "out the window!" Of course I said it in a happy cheery voice and she laughed. :) But no matter how many rough nights, teething spells, whiny baby moments we had, it all led to one thing... me comforting my baby girl. And that's what she needed. Of course my husband did everything he could to comfort her and some nights in the beginning when she was extra upset or when nursing just wasn't helping her gassy belly he would stay up for hours holding her in a little football hold (her favorite position) while she slept. He would do anything for his baby girl and seeing him with her just melted my heart.
I was also very fortunate enough to have a group of other brand new mommy friends and we learned together and shared our experiences together. Thankfully most of them shared the same values we had. I had read several books on how to handle every scenario and I remember the moment when I decided that I just needed to put the books down and do what I felt was right for my baby. And that meant never letting her cry-it-out and breastfeeding on demand. That meant I would be attached to my baby girl and would forever be there when she needed me. Both my husband and I were on board with being "Attached Parents". We could never imagine sitting in the room next door, while she cried out to us. It just seemed so cruel. So we were at her bekkon call. No matter what time of day, or night, it was.
Breastfeeding was something that I never thought in a million years I would become so incredibly passionate about. In fact, before I had my baby girl I knew that I would "try" to breastfeed, but I didn't think that it would be a long lasting relationship. I recall a conversation I had with a fellow mommy friend, (who was already "in the know" about how incredibly good - the best - for baby and mommy breastfeeding is) and I told her casually that I would probably breastfeed for about 3 months or so and see what happened. Her response to me was, "why only 3 months"? And I didn't have an answer... uh... isn't that the "norm"? And after my baby girl was born and our breastfeeding relationship began I couldn't ever imagine not nursing her to help satisfy any bit of hunger, soothing or bonding she needed. I couldn't fathom the idea of not breastfeeding her or simply choosing not to. And thankfully when I did have concerns, troubles or questions I knew enough to seek support and get it. And I will forever be thankful for the months of support I was given.
Soon we got the hang of it all and before we could blink months had gone by... and then... a year. Milestones had been reached and some we were still waiting on. I was fortunate enough to be home with my baby, instead of having to go back to work, so we spent our days playing with our friends and enjoying each others company. And my husband worked very close to home so he would visit us on his lunch breaks. We settled in nicely to normal routines and we were always sure to follow her lead... We were never worried about "schedules" and when you're breastfeeding, a schedule isn't something that can really be followed. Especially since she called the shots. We often took naps together and night time cuddle time became our favorite time.
Not long after she turned 1-year old we made the decision, as a family, that I would go back to work to start helping with the finances. It was important to me to wait at least a year so our breastfeeding relationship wouldn't be interrupted. And that 1st year was so extremely beneficial. Of course, even after going back it was not interrupted and in fact, continued to thrive. I knew that I needed to find a job where the company would not only allow me to work part time (2 days/week in the beginning), but would also allow me to let them know on a monthly basis the days I was available. My mom planned on coming over 1 day/week and my husband would be home the 2nd day. Daycare was not an option for us.
I found the perfect part time job at a baby boutique. I was definitely in my element. :) They hired me almost immediately and were more than happy to adjust their schedules and coordinate with me on a monthly basis. I began working 2 days/week and after a couple months my husband and I talked and decided that I could work a 3rd day. And between my husband and my mom, my baby girl was taken care of.
And our life carried on... day by day, week by week, month by month. And we never considered ourselves perfect. Just mommy and daddy. And that was what we were happiest being.
We talked about having another baby and most days I would remember our difficulties with getting pregnant and would just tell myself not to worry about it. That if it was meant to be it would happen. A part of me thought of how wonderful it would be to just wake up one day and be pregnant like I had dreamed about so many times before, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. So I secretly resorted to the idea that our baby girl was it for us and we were just so damn lucky, so blessed to have her. And with that we continued to enjoy every moment with her. Every single moment.
:) xoxoxo
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