The 2WW...

Ahhhh, the oh so familiar (and oh so dreaded) two week wait...  

In the past I had spent this time wondering if I had calculated my ovulation days correctly, if the ovulation kit test strips were correct, if I was eating the right things (I had completely eliminated alcohol and caffeine from my diet) and if this "could be it"??  This time it was even more important for me to wait exactly 2 weeks, and not a day sooner, because of the HCG injection I had received.  There was a chance, if I tested too early, I could get a false positive...  wouldn't that have been just awful?!?  

It just so happened that exactly 2 weeks after the day of our IUI was Father's Day.  We woke up in the morning and I couldn't tell if "it" was coming.  I was concerned because throughout the entire 2 weeks my breasts were tender and got even more tender and sore toward the end of the wait...  That was not a good sign as far as I was concerned.  Breast tenderness/soreness was always a sign of my period coming...  

When I woke up Sunday morning (Father's Day) I was a little relieved to feel that the tenderness had gone away!  Was this a sign, a GOOD sign???  I looked over at my husband and asked him if he wanted me to test.  I asked him because in my mind I pictured me getting a positive result and being able to wish him a very happy daddy's day!!!!  At first he tried to give me the neutral answer, "do whatever you want, baby".  Then he encouraged me to go ahead and test (not that I really needed much encouragement!).  

I went in to the bathroom to take my HPT (home pregnancy test) and was still happy to see no sign of my period.  And then...  after I had taken the test...  there it was.  And as I realized that yet again, what was happening I glanced over at the BFN (big fat negative!) on the test.  All I could do was crawl back into bed next to my husband and cry.  And let him hold me while I cried and cried some more.  

Eventually my husband had to get up and get ready for work and at that point I was ready to just spend some time alone with my feelings and thoughts.  I had gone back and forth about calling my family, but really didn't have the heart to have that discussion with anyone.  They would've all been so completely supportive, but those loving conversations were not something I could compose myself for.  I had sent a text to my sister, telling her that I had started my period and to please let everyone know that I wasn't ready to talk about it.  I knew that my 2WW was all of their 2WW's so I didn't want to not let them know. I have quite the large and loving family and knew that the minute I needed them they would be there. My sister's response was pretty much that, "keep your chin up and please call me if you need anything".   It was nice.  

Time was standing still for me...  I turned on the TV, but wasn't really watching it.  My husband always tells me to get out of the house when I'm feeling sad and that it will make me feel better.  Sooo...  after some more crying and just not really knowing what I wanted to do, I picked up the phone and called a close friend of mine.  I told her what had happened and that I would call her back after I had taken a shower to get ready for the day.  The minute I called her back she said she was on her way to pick me up.  I didn't even have to ask her.  When she arrived at my house she knew exactly what to say...  "Do you need to go put your feet in the water at the beach or go get coffee"?  I said coffee.  She had just bought a house with her husband and I asked her to take me to see it.  We drove around her new neighborhood and after unsuccessfully trying to get coffee and pastry's at a bakery we drove to a Starbucks and took the coffee back to my house.  We hung out, watched a movie and actually took a nap.  After our nap my girlfriend took me back to her house where my husband met us after work and we ordered pizza for dinner.  And...  I filled up on plenty of wine.  Yes, I drank my sorrows away that night.  It just all went down so smoothly.  

My husband and I were so grateful to our friends for that day.  I am still grateful to them for that day.

And then...  it was back to reality.  Time to move on.  Move forward.  And do it all over again.