We arrived at the hospital and I stayed in the car while my husband ran to get a wheel chair. I didn't need it, but he wanted to "take care of me" so I let him... I thought it was cute. When he walked up to the security guard, rather than telling him he needed a wheel chair to help me in, he told him I was "giving birth in the car". The guard just about choked on his drink and before he could get up to really react, my hubby quickly corrected himself by saying that I was in early labor and just needed to check in. I decided at that point that I would just walk in. Walking was better for labor, anyway. We then proceeded to almost walk the wrong way. It wasn't our 1st rodeo, but we were sure acting like it!
We finally arrived to the Maternity Floor and I signed in. The time on the clock when I signed in? Midnight. Exactly. December 31st. I wasn't keen on the idea of being there for 24 hours so any thoughts about having "the 1st baby of 2009" went out the window. There was a lot of chatter about moms checking in and in labor to see who would have that new years baby! Me? I just wanted my baby. And I wanted him to decide when it was time to come out. And as of then he was doing a great job of it.
After we finished any paperwork we were showed to our room. I changed into the gown and my 1st shift nurse introduced herself. I explained my "situation" to her and she immediately jumped on the support train and was 100% for me going for my VBAC. In fact, not only did she encourage me going for a natural labor, she assured me she wouldn't mention drugs. Ever. I felt so supported. Between her and my husband I was feeling really great that everything was going to go as planned.
I wanted to be able to walk around and be free to sit and get into different positions to help alleviate any pain and my nurse was quick to get the necessary "permission" I needed for intermittent monitoring. She even helped by showing us different positions I could stand in and by showing my husband how he could support me. She also helped to control my breathing. My contractions were getting intense and she was instrumental in helping me to get through them. I had seen my OB a few times by this point and all was going smoothly. Until... around 7am, that is. When my nurse's shift was over. Noooooooooooo!!! I couldn't believe she had to leave... I admit it - I was terrified. Everything was going so smoothly and I hastily jumped to the conclusion that I wasn't going to be able to do this without her help. Help that had been getting me exactly where I wanted to be.
My new shift nurse was very nice. Also very encouraging and supportive. In fact when my OB came in to check me and saw that my contractions had "stalled" for a bit he told my nurse to give me a small amount of pitocin to get them "moving along" again... my nurse winked at me and said she wasn't going to. That made me feel good and I felt like things were looking up. Again. My OB came in a while after and saw that the pitocin had not been given... so my nurse literally gave me the least amount possible and then soon after that, turned it off. I know now that I could have easily told my OB I did NOT want it and that it was completely MY decision.
My contractions did indeed pick up and within a couple hours I was smack in the middle of the most intense and powerful pain. I had forgotten everything my 1st nurse told me or rather I remembered and was unsuccessful in trying to breathe through and relax. My husband, god bless him, tried so very hard to help me, but nothing was working. And I was giving up on myself. The worst thing I could have done. I know it. I tensed up and I didn't allow myself to give into the pain. Add to that the anger I was feeling for letting the pain get the best of me and I was a wreck. I turned to my husband and told him I wanted the epidural. I uttered those words that I am sure every mommy utters at one point or another... "I can't do this". But instead of saying it and doing it anyway, I said it and then proceeded to ask for my nurse to page the anesthesiologist. And the moments I sat there waiting and waiting were the worst. The pain got even more unmanageable and the anticipation of it going away only made things worse. The anesthesiologist arrived and "hooked me up" and it was only a matter of time before I realized that I had just taken away any ounce of freedom I had. I made it completely impossible to walk around anymore. I couldn't even go to the bathroom on my own. The numbness was overwhelming and I was so extremely disappointed in myself. I knew that my body would now have a chance to really relax and "open up", but it wasn't supposed to happen that way.
We were making our way into the early afternoon and I decided that I was just feeling "too numb". I didn't like it. I hated it, in fact. I asked my nurse to page the anesthesiologist to come in and turn my epidural down. All I wanted was to take the edge off, I did not want to be this numb.
I waited patiently for the drugs to wear off, but when they didn't wear off enough I paged her again and asked her to just turn it off. Completely. By this time I had been moved to "Active Labor" because I was at 4cm when my OB last checked me. It seemed to move quicker and quicker this time and now I was anticipating the drugs wearing off and having my baby!! My OB came in to check me and my nurse was by my side telling him we wanted to hear good news! "How about 7cm"? he quickly replied. And then he turned to me, smiled and said, "you're going to do this, Anita". I was going to have a successful VBAC. I was thrilled. It was almost time to meet my baby and I wasn't going to have to do it from an operating table. I would be able to hold him from the moment he was born. I was indeed ready.
7cm quickly progressed to 10 and the epidural was wearing off. Slowly, but surely. My nurse was so excited for us and she talked to me a bit about how I needed to push when the time came. She paged my OB and he was on his way, but while we waited she wanted to go over a "practice push" with me. I did everything she told me to do and gently pushed... as this was happening my OB walked in and said, "hey, wait for me", in a half joking way. Basically my son was so ready that he was on his way out with just my practice push. And in that moment I was overcome with happiness. I asked my nurse if there was a way I could see my son being born and she grabbed the standing mirror and put it in place so I'd be able to see him coming into this world. My OB was just about ready. It was all very casual. Nothing like I had been through with my c-section. There was no sense of hurry or worry. I was in labor and almost ready to have my baby. It was only a matter of minutes before I was going to be holding him!! My miracle baby boy.
FIVE. MINUTES. LATER. my son was born. I did it. And as soon as he was born he was immediately placed on my chest and in my arms. All I could do was stare at his gorgeous face. He was oh so perfect. My beautiful baby boy. My son. I burst into tears as my husband and I kissed and just stared him. I couldn't wait to bring him home to meet his big sister. My babies. My loves.
In just a few short months I had gone from not knowing I was pregnant to finding out, to holding my baby in my arms. I felt so lucky. So blessed. So happy. So incredibly fortunate. Time stood still, for just a moment. And in that moment it was just my baby boy and I. And our life as mommy and son had begun.
We were making our way into the early afternoon and I decided that I was just feeling "too numb". I didn't like it. I hated it, in fact. I asked my nurse to page the anesthesiologist to come in and turn my epidural down. All I wanted was to take the edge off, I did not want to be this numb.
I waited patiently for the drugs to wear off, but when they didn't wear off enough I paged her again and asked her to just turn it off. Completely. By this time I had been moved to "Active Labor" because I was at 4cm when my OB last checked me. It seemed to move quicker and quicker this time and now I was anticipating the drugs wearing off and having my baby!! My OB came in to check me and my nurse was by my side telling him we wanted to hear good news! "How about 7cm"? he quickly replied. And then he turned to me, smiled and said, "you're going to do this, Anita". I was going to have a successful VBAC. I was thrilled. It was almost time to meet my baby and I wasn't going to have to do it from an operating table. I would be able to hold him from the moment he was born. I was indeed ready.
7cm quickly progressed to 10 and the epidural was wearing off. Slowly, but surely. My nurse was so excited for us and she talked to me a bit about how I needed to push when the time came. She paged my OB and he was on his way, but while we waited she wanted to go over a "practice push" with me. I did everything she told me to do and gently pushed... as this was happening my OB walked in and said, "hey, wait for me", in a half joking way. Basically my son was so ready that he was on his way out with just my practice push. And in that moment I was overcome with happiness. I asked my nurse if there was a way I could see my son being born and she grabbed the standing mirror and put it in place so I'd be able to see him coming into this world. My OB was just about ready. It was all very casual. Nothing like I had been through with my c-section. There was no sense of hurry or worry. I was in labor and almost ready to have my baby. It was only a matter of minutes before I was going to be holding him!! My miracle baby boy.
FIVE. MINUTES. LATER. my son was born. I did it. And as soon as he was born he was immediately placed on my chest and in my arms. All I could do was stare at his gorgeous face. He was oh so perfect. My beautiful baby boy. My son. I burst into tears as my husband and I kissed and just stared him. I couldn't wait to bring him home to meet his big sister. My babies. My loves.
In just a few short months I had gone from not knowing I was pregnant to finding out, to holding my baby in my arms. I felt so lucky. So blessed. So happy. So incredibly fortunate. Time stood still, for just a moment. And in that moment it was just my baby boy and I. And our life as mommy and son had begun.
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