After our last check I stood up and asked, (in what I am sure was my most pathetic voice ever) my Midwife if I could go sit in the birth tub. She smiled and nodded, knowing it was exactly what I needed to do. She knew, every step of the way, exactly what I needed.
As I strolled down the hall toward the tub I sent my last text to my girlfriend, who was well on her way, letting her know I was dilated 9cm. And then I climbed in. And oh my goodness... it felt so nice. Yes, I was still very much in labor and yes I was still having the most intense contractions, but sitting in that tub, looking around my house and feeling my husband sitting behind me, supporting me, loving me, holding me, just really sealed the deal, even more so. There really is nothing like it.
I felt my 1st contraction in the tub a few minutes after I got in... And with that 1st contraction I felt a POP! Hallelujah! My water broke. Mentally that was the last hurdle, before actually pushing my baby out, I had to overcome. And we were off to the races!!! Ok, so technically we weren't in any hurry, whatsoever. I just really like that saying. ;)
My contractions continued to stack up right on top of each other and all of a sudden I heard a knock at the door. It was my dear friend. She made it just in time. I remember smiling as she walked in, feeling so thankful that she was able to leave her 3 babies at home and be there for me. She immediately took over as official birth photographer and showered me with reassurance and loving words. My niece got the video camera ready and my midwife continued to get all necessary supplies ready for when my baby arrived. My birthing music was ready to go in my DVD player and as soon as I stepped foot in the tub I asked my niece to press play. It was the 'Bedtime With The Beatles - Instrumental Versions of Classical Beatles Songs' CD and just as that same track listing played every night as I nursed my 1st 2 babies to sleep it was going to be playing when I brought my baby into this world. I couldn't think of a more perfect scenario.
During my transition I definitely had those moments of "I can't do this". And when I say that, I mean I knew I was going to do it, but saying those words out loud somehow made it easier to manage. I told my midwife that I was probably going to say "no" and "I can't do this", etc. simply because it just felt better to do so. There was never a doubt in my mind I was going to do it.
I remember feeling a particularly strong contraction and my body just kind of... pushed. I knew I was pushing, but definitely felt as if my body took over. And it felt good. Soooo, I started pushing with every contraction from then on. I was leaning against my husband, with my back to him, and after a couple pushes it stopped feeling good and started hurting again. The descent down the birth canal had begun. I could still hear, somewhat, my birthing music in the background, but it was getting harder and harder to focus on anything other than the pain and my body. With each push I could feel my babys head descending and then as I would stop to breathe I could feel it "go back in". Heart ache. I didn't like the position I was in because every time I pushed, I would try to ground myself by pressing my legs against the sides of the tub and the last thing we needed was for me to break the walls right down. It might not have been a possible feat, but we weren't about to chance it. So I changed positions to all 4s and tried once again to push my baby out. It was so sad to feel the head once again... descending and then... going back in. I remember saying out loud, "It's going back in" and my midwife sympathized and then I remember saying, (again, in a very pathetic voice), "it's not fair". I remember hearing the "awww's" of my friend and niece. They were trying so hard to make me feel better. And at that moment my midwife responded with one the most important and supportive things that helped me get through it. She said, "I know... but that's good. It gives the tissue a chance to stretch and the head a chance to mold". And with that I was given a renewed sense of, "I CAN DO THIS".
After a few more contractions and me pushing with every ounce of my being my midwife suggested I move back to my original position. Sitting, leaning on my husband. She told me my babys head was "right there" and I was doing a good job. I admit, I was in so much pain that when I tried to put my hand down there to feel it, I just couldn't. I wanted to, but I was feeling discouraged by the pain. At one point I just blurted out, "it hurts" and then my midwife came through yet again with the most powerful statement I needed to hear. Her response? A very loving and comforting, "I know it does... but you just gotta push through that pain". And instantly I felt the light bulb go on... "oh yeah, duh!" I have to push through it! And... I did. And I pushed. And I pushed. And then I felt my babys head coming out of me. I can't even begin to sit here and try to explain what that feels like. Absolutely amazing. Times one hundred million. And then my midwife looked up at me, smiled and said, "It's not going back in anymore". Deep breathes... tears. Happiness. And then it was time for me to "bring the house down". :)
I remember screaming... loudly. I remember feeling my babys body inching closer and closer to the world of water waiting for it. I remember feeling the shoulders making their way through and then... at 5:12pm, to the tune of, "Mother Nature's Son" playing in the background, my baby was born. And instantly pulled out of the water and onto my chest. I burst into tears and I could hear the tears of my niece and friend. My midwife had the biggest grin on her face. I took a little peak and blurted out, "IT'S A BOY"! My son. Oh thank the lord for you, my son. I held him, close to my heart, wrapped in a towel and couldn't stop staring at him. Kissing him. I couldn't stop telling him how amazing he was. Is. I looked back at my husband and cried as we kissed. The love in the room was overwhelming and I wanted to soak it all in. Never before had I been in an environment where there was such a peaceful calm after the birth of a baby. Something I am forever grateful for.
My son was born at home. Where my heart and the hearts of my husband and children live. Where, actually, Maya Angelou said it best... "The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned." Yep, that pretty much sums it up. "Where we can go as we are and not be questioned."
During my transition I definitely had those moments of "I can't do this". And when I say that, I mean I knew I was going to do it, but saying those words out loud somehow made it easier to manage. I told my midwife that I was probably going to say "no" and "I can't do this", etc. simply because it just felt better to do so. There was never a doubt in my mind I was going to do it.
I remember feeling a particularly strong contraction and my body just kind of... pushed. I knew I was pushing, but definitely felt as if my body took over. And it felt good. Soooo, I started pushing with every contraction from then on. I was leaning against my husband, with my back to him, and after a couple pushes it stopped feeling good and started hurting again. The descent down the birth canal had begun. I could still hear, somewhat, my birthing music in the background, but it was getting harder and harder to focus on anything other than the pain and my body. With each push I could feel my babys head descending and then as I would stop to breathe I could feel it "go back in". Heart ache. I didn't like the position I was in because every time I pushed, I would try to ground myself by pressing my legs against the sides of the tub and the last thing we needed was for me to break the walls right down. It might not have been a possible feat, but we weren't about to chance it. So I changed positions to all 4s and tried once again to push my baby out. It was so sad to feel the head once again... descending and then... going back in. I remember saying out loud, "It's going back in" and my midwife sympathized and then I remember saying, (again, in a very pathetic voice), "it's not fair". I remember hearing the "awww's" of my friend and niece. They were trying so hard to make me feel better. And at that moment my midwife responded with one the most important and supportive things that helped me get through it. She said, "I know... but that's good. It gives the tissue a chance to stretch and the head a chance to mold". And with that I was given a renewed sense of, "I CAN DO THIS".
After a few more contractions and me pushing with every ounce of my being my midwife suggested I move back to my original position. Sitting, leaning on my husband. She told me my babys head was "right there" and I was doing a good job. I admit, I was in so much pain that when I tried to put my hand down there to feel it, I just couldn't. I wanted to, but I was feeling discouraged by the pain. At one point I just blurted out, "it hurts" and then my midwife came through yet again with the most powerful statement I needed to hear. Her response? A very loving and comforting, "I know it does... but you just gotta push through that pain". And instantly I felt the light bulb go on... "oh yeah, duh!" I have to push through it! And... I did. And I pushed. And I pushed. And then I felt my babys head coming out of me. I can't even begin to sit here and try to explain what that feels like. Absolutely amazing. Times one hundred million. And then my midwife looked up at me, smiled and said, "It's not going back in anymore". Deep breathes... tears. Happiness. And then it was time for me to "bring the house down". :)
I remember screaming... loudly. I remember feeling my babys body inching closer and closer to the world of water waiting for it. I remember feeling the shoulders making their way through and then... at 5:12pm, to the tune of, "Mother Nature's Son" playing in the background, my baby was born. And instantly pulled out of the water and onto my chest. I burst into tears and I could hear the tears of my niece and friend. My midwife had the biggest grin on her face. I took a little peak and blurted out, "IT'S A BOY"! My son. Oh thank the lord for you, my son. I held him, close to my heart, wrapped in a towel and couldn't stop staring at him. Kissing him. I couldn't stop telling him how amazing he was. Is. I looked back at my husband and cried as we kissed. The love in the room was overwhelming and I wanted to soak it all in. Never before had I been in an environment where there was such a peaceful calm after the birth of a baby. Something I am forever grateful for.
No comments:
Post a Comment